Your Online Dating Coach Blog

A Deeper, More Personal View

By | Your Online Dating Coach Blog

I’d like to share with you a deeper, more personal view of the growth of a long-term, and very atypical, romantic relationship that originated online. That would be my loving relationship with Francesca (France’s preferred name). This discussion will give you an idea of how you can steer your relationships in a mutually agreed direction and speed regardless of what anybody else thinks is best.

Right from her first email reply to my automated short message, Francesca and I devoted considerable effort to our online communications. She wrote more profusely than I did, and we acknowledged that as our natural equilibrium. In her first message to me, Francesca expressed her enthusiasm for the large number of “alignments” she recognized with what I placed in my profile – camping, swimming, kayaking, hiking, travel, rock n roll music, dancing, loving affection, authenticity, some mutual acquaintances, spiritual growth, nature, and others. Early on, she pointed out how impressed she was with what I said in a YouTube video interview regarding my book “Living Unconditional Love.”

By the fourth day of emailing, we had exchanged phone numbers and heard our voices for the first time over the phone. Our almost twice-a-day phone conversations were supplemented by a continuous stream of emails. The intensity of our communications was unparalleled. Francesca had been on GreenSingles for almost a year (and was letting her membership expire in one week before I winked at her) while I had been in online dating for less than a week. Both of us confessed that we were absolutely truthful in our profiles, so we had great confidence in each other right from the beginning.

Soon our mutual interest in sexuality became a frequent topic of discussion. During the following week our innocent sex talk evolved into “phone sex” – what fun!!! Francesca sent a new boudoir photo of her to me that hinted at what a physically beautiful woman she is. I said to myself, “Oh Boy!” I was smitten. Our daily conversations became more intimate and stimulating. I recall that, on about day number 10, I told her “I love you.” She responded in kind. Keep in mind that we hadn’t met face-to-face yet.

During that December, I worked through some of the challenges I faced with the ending of my current marriage, along with the return of my daughter who was normally away at college for Christmas break. Francesca and I agreed that I should not mix relationship energies, so we decided that we would not meet face-to-face until after my daughter had gone back to college and my former wife had moved out of the family house that I was going to stay in. We narrowed it down to December 30th, one day before New Year, that I would drive to France’s home 90 miles from mine. We also agreed that I would stay for three days – yes, we shared a wonderful confidence in each other.

On December 30th (five weeks after I had winked at her online), I arrived at her house at about 11 AM, a bottle of champagne in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. She peeked through the window curtain, showing me the most fabulous smile a woman can show a man. As soon as I was in the door, we deeply embraced and physically “tasted” each other for the first time. We put in our token fifteen minutes sitting and talking on the couch before we jumped into sharing affections and launching into foreplay. We were very hungry for each other. We danced sensuously for a while and spent the rest of the day in bed. The following day, we didn’t get out of bed until 1 PM in the afternoon. A very good lover’s match, we agreed.

By day three, when we had planned for me to leave and drive home, we decided that I should stay for a few more days. I did that, and as the end of day six approached, we agreed that I should stay a little longer yet. Eventually, I left her house in the afternoon of day eight, totally exhausted and deeply in love with an incredibly delicious woman. Our first date – “meet up” – had lasted eight days.

As of this writing, that was almost seven years ago. In spite of a year off for mutual single play, we’re back together and more in love than we have ever been.

I have taken the time to share this story so that you can see that you and your partner can and should carve out any fashion of courtship and lifestyle that works for both of you. Break the rules if that works for you! All of the guidelines I put forth in the Guide and in my coaching are simply starting points from which you can add and subtract to achieve what strengthens your relationships, love, and happiness.